Rough draft from my fantasy novel. Unfinished. Critique please?

the "italics" thing was annoying as hell. Take that out. I know you are trying to emphasize certain bits of dialogue but look its Y!A just forget about it and let your piece either sink or swim. All that does is making it harder for people to read because you have those "italics" scattered throughout the excerpt. It wasn't that great of a write anyway. Insert a quarter and try again.